May we all learn to love and celebrate the wonderful beings that we are.
And may we then do it, always.
I genuinely believe that if we all were able to do that, the world would be a better place and our lives would be better in literally every way. And this isn't just a hippie attitude or me coming strictly from the spiritual perspective. After years of studying and following the research in fields like epigenetics, neuroplasticity, positive psychology, among many others, I see (and strongly agree with) a growing number of scientists who nowadays bridge science and spirituality and acknowledge the interwoven relationship they both play in our lives, just as they keep coming back to love and self-love as being pivotal aspects of healing and well-being- both from the scientific and the spiritual point of view.
I first published some of the following text on my Facebook profile on Valentine’s Day, back in 2018, but with a little editing, I’d like to share it over here as well, because I believe that it’s just as relevant today... and on any other given day for that matter.
While there may be a lot that's wrong with Valentine's Day, there's at least one positive thing about it. And that's the fact that this holiday celebrates love. And yes, we all know love is great, but I feel like we often forget how, not only incredible, but how crucial it is in our lives. I wish we could all be mindfully aware of this every second of every day, but sadly most of us are not... We know it, sure, but we get so caught up in the day-to-day life, we forget... And by being such a global holiday, Valentine's Day, as cheesy and commercialized it may be, does a pretty good job at reminding people about love.
Yes, the general tradition says that it's a day for those in romantic relationships and it surely is, and I certainly hope that each couple out there gets to celebrate their love for each other just the way they feel is the most meaningful and special to their relationship. But we can’t forget about the other relationships we have in our lives, like our dear friends and family, as well as the one that I feel is, unfortunately, very often most neglected. And that is the relationship we have with ourselves.
It really pains me to see how little people think about it, how little kids are taught about it and how most of us don't even acknowledge its existence, or if we do, we tend to completely diminish its importance. I know it, because I used to be one of those people myself. If we’re friends or if you’ve ever worked with me (as your holistic health and well-being guide), you know I’m, now, a huge advocate for self-love. I had known it long before I could do it myself- genuine self-love is crucial to any other kind of relationship we have in our life. If the relationship we have with ourselves is crap, the best partner, friend or even experience in the world will not make us feel really, truly, fully happy and loved. There is so much goodness and absolutely no shame (despite the society just loving to tell us otherwise) in loving yourself, and I really feel self-love is one of those things that should be practiced daily, until it becomes our default state of mind. I am, however, fully aware that, as simple as it may sound, it’s often far from easy.
Self-love and self-care can mean different things to different people, but in general it's doing kind things for yourself, not always putting yourself last on your to-do list, taking care of your mind and your body, or even simpler than that- actually taking a minute to appreciate how wonderful you are.
Because you are.
Whether there is a partner by your side who tells you you are or not. You are.
You're a freaking miracle!
You can think, form ideas, create things, you feel so much and no one else in the whole world can feel exactly what you do, you are capable of so many things, and your body is able to do so many things- your legs let you walk from one place to another, your eyes let you see the most gorgeous things, your ears let you hear the most moving sounds, not to mention all the truly magnificent processes that are happening within your body 24/7- most of which you’re completely unaware of… and I could go on and on, but you get my point.
How incredible that we all were once a teeny-tiny bunch of cells and now we're this!
If nothing else, (if you're not satisfied with the way you look, your achievements, your whatever) isn't this reason enough to say "you are literally wonderful" to yourself and love yourself..? I think it is.
We are wonderful the way we are and we're completely enough just as we come into this world. Each of us is worthy of being loved by someone else, but regardless of our relationship status, we are all worthy of self-love, always. And we should totally give it to ourselves, like, a lot. Both to our grown-up selves and our child selves.
I truly believe if you're able to love yourself (even starting with just one little thing you can think of that you love, that you could love or that you could choose to love about yourself) and really believe it, this self-love will spread to all the other parts of you that you might not particularly be happy with at the moment. And it will spread to the people around you and, I swear, it will all come back to you in so many different ways.
Moreover, when you cultivate a truly loving relationship with your own self, you're able to take genuinely good care of yourself and that, I believe, is not only our right, but it's also our responsibility, both towards ourselves AND the world around us. Allowing ourselves to always be our best possible selves (best, at the given moment) allows us to contribute to this world all that we were meant to bring into it. Genuine self-love helps us leave the survival mode which many of us are stuck in for most of our lives and actually allow ourselves to thrive the way we were meant to.
I hope you don't find it too cheesy, or if you do that's okay too, but it's Valentine’s Day and I just felt like adding to the abundance of love-talk everywhere, perhaps from a slightly different perspective.
So if it’s not your habit, do make sure that you take yourself out on a date one of these days. And if you feel any resistance to this idea, that’s good. Notice it. Don’t push it away. That would be a beautiful sign from your mind-body for you. It tells you that this may be an area you should look into. Try to dive deeper into those uncomfortable feelings and ask yourself: why? Why is it so hard to put yourself first? (After all if you don't, no one will ever truly do that for you, even if they try). Why does the thought of spending time with yourself feel uncomfortable to you? Can you try it anyway? And if you’re okay with it, do it. Treat yourself to something you'd treat a loved one- your partner, your child, a dear friend or a family member. And do your best to do that on a regular basis.
And while you're at it, since there's a lot of I-love-you's all around today: whether you have someone in your life who says these words to you regularly or not, let me ask you, when was the last time you said it to your own self and meant it? Really meant it.
I highlight "really" because I know that while there are some of us who can't say it at all, there are also those who can, but as you say it you don't really believe it.
If you do, I'm so happy for you- keep at it!
But if you struggle there, know you're not the only one.
And it takes one to know (about) one, so trust me, I've been there- pretty much everywhere by now. At the stage where you cringe at the idea and it makes you almost vomit a little bit. At the stage where you shrug your shoulders and say "phew, I don't need to say it", I'm totally fine. At the stage where you say "sure, I love myself", but if I asked you to say it in the mirror you can't not make a joke. At the stage where you know you should be able to say it, but you literally cannot utter the words. At the stage when uttering them makes you burst into tears. And at many more before I was able to do it honestly, and to mean it unconditionally, and feel pretty great about it. If you're anyone I've worked through similar things with, you know my journey, if you don't, I'm always happy to share, because the more we talk about these things the less awkward, crazy, weird and/or silly it feels and the more we can take our happiness into our own hands as we are the only ones responsible for it.
So if you can, say "I love you" to yourself today and mean it. And make it a daily habit;)
If you can't, there's never been a better time to start practicing:) I sincerely hope it won't take you as much time as it took me (many years... and it was hardly a linear process). But at least taking the long way like that has made me better equipped to relate to and support others on similar journeys.
So given today’s date I just had to shine some light on this topic, on this particular relationship, your relationship with YOU. Whether you’re single or a part of a couple, it doesn't matter, we should all love ourselves a little more, and I don't have to know every single person out there super well to know that that's true.
So, just remember YOU.
And not only today, but tomorrow, too.
Any day... possibly every day.
Take care of yourself- like, really do.
Have a beautiful day, Lovelies.
Be as good to yourselves as you are to the ones you love the most.
Lots of love and light, wherever you are.
Wherever on this self-love journey and wherever in the world, too-
PV